Jesus Christ Was In The Minor Leagues
(My Testimony)
May 28, 2002
New Orleans, LA
I know a lot of you have been wondering what has happened to me and this web
page. I have taken quite a hiatus from updating and e-mail. The truth is I probably
won't be adding any more baseball content to the page, in baseball terms, updating
of the web page is out indefinitely. I must apologize for the lack of responding I have
done with e-mail as well. Because AOL only allows e-mail to stay in your incoming
box for around3 weeks I have lost a lot of e-mail that has been sent to me going
back to around March 20th or so. I will do my best to get to the e-mail I still have but
I cannot make any promises. I don't have an address for autographs because I am
not sure of where I'll be in the near future. I do not want to give an address and not
be there anymore.
So what exactly has been going on with me? My life has had some dramatic
changes over the past 2 months and I can proudly say for the better. Based on the
title of this letter I am sure you can see where this is going and I hope you will
continue to read on. This is probably going to get long.
On March 25h I was released by the Astros out of spring training. Although I knew it
was coming, it was a pretty strong moment of frustration for me in my career. I felt
too good for this to happen, I felt strong and was in the best shape of my career. I
worked incredibly hard over the winter and I couldn't believe it came down to this. I
had such an inconsistent spring that I did not make that team even though basically
by the middle of spring training I was only competing against myself for the left
handed spot in the bullpen.
When I got home to the house I was renting in Kissimmee, FL I was frustrated, mad,
and suddenly scrambling to find a job for the 2002 season. What happened that
afternoon, without getting into to too much detail was a moment when God came
crashing into my life like a ton of bricks. I was eating lunch in the living room
watching TV when I heard an awkward sound, almost like water running. I had
assumed it was my 2-year-old son playing in the sink, in Florida he always liked to
wash his hands in the kitchen. After about 20 seconds I heard it again in the distant
background and I realized that it wasn't the sink, but I couldn't quite put my finger on
it. A few seconds later I looked up and noticed that the sliding glass door going out to
the pool was open and I quickly realized the sound I was hearing was the filter
running. It was an awkward sound to me because that door was always locked and
never left open. I jumped up and raced out to the pool deck, my son was nowhere to
be found. I looked into the middle of the pool and there he was completely
submerged in water. He is 2 years old and does not know how to swim. I jumped into
the water and pulled him out. He was disturbingly quiet at first but after a few
seconds we realized he was OK. At 2 years old another 30 seconds or so and I
would have lost my son.
As eerie as that was, here is what shakes me even more. I was the furthest person
from the pool in the house at the time. I by far have the worst hearing of the 3 adults
that were in the house; I played drums as a kid and never wore earplugs. But,
miraculously I was the only one in the house who heard the filter running. On top of
that if I did not get released on that day, I would have been at the ballpark with the
team, they had a 1:05 game at home that day, this took place around 2:00. We were
in that house for about 40 days prior to that incident, and this is the day my son
figures out how to open the sliding glass door?
I barely slept that night and had a lot of emotions running through me. I was really
trying to figure out what was the message here. At first I thought God had had
enough, He was tired of me putting so much emphasis on baseball and making
money and letting it control my life. I felt like He was slapping me in the face and
reminding me what was really important and how He could take that away from me
at any moment. As I look back now and see what has happened to my life I realize
what that day was all about. God wasn't mad at me, He wasn't almost punishing me.
What happened was Jesus Christ came to me, put His arm around me and said,
"Let's take a walk."
My walk with Christ has been nothing short of amazing. I grew up Catholic, 8 years
of grade school and 4 years of high school. After I signed in 1994 I found my self
slowly drifting away from the Catholic Church. In professional baseball there is an
organization called Baseball Chapel. Their purpose is to have a chaplain in every
city from rookie ball to the big leagues to come preach to players, if they choose, on
Sundays. It is a huge help with our schedule. I attended when I could and found
myself more inspired and fulfilled by 20 minutes of baseball chapel then 50 minutes
of Catholic mass. Even though I attended Catholic Church at home in the off-season
I really felt like I was just more of a Christian than a Catholic. I understood that Jesus
Christ came to this Earth to die for my sins, so that they could be forgiven, and the
gates of heaven opened. I thought I got it. I thought I was a good Christian. The way
I was living my life was proving otherwise.
God's work is amazing and it cannot be ignored. The fact that I ended up back in
New Orleans at AAA for the Astros is an event that I am still to this day amazed by.
Not that I didn't think there was a chance I'd be in AAA, but the fact that it would be
in New Orleans.
This winter my decision of where I was going to sign came down to two choices for
me, the New York Mets or the Houston Astros. I am a native New Yorker and had the
privilege to play with the Mets for the final month of the 2001 season. I have wanted
to play in New York since I was about 8 years old and even as I reached the major
leagues as an adult I still wanted to play in New York. The Mets experience for me in
2001 can only be described as perfect. It was an ideal situation, great organization,
a winning team, great players that played the game hard. This is what I have wanted
all my life. I was in a limited role there but performed well, I knew that this was my
atmosphere, that this was where I wanted to be and where I had my greatest chance
to succeed.. So when the opportunity came to go back there in 2002 you think it
would have been a no brainer. This was back when I thought I controlled my own
destiny, I am smarter than that now.
The Mets offer was a better one then Houston's. It was a 40-man roster spot, major
league contract with about twice as much guaranteed money as Houston was
offering in their minor league contract. Let me emphasize this again, the Mets
offered me a major league contract, more guaranteed money, I loved playing there, I
always wanted to play in New York my family & friends are there and I signed the
MINOR LEAGUE deal with the Astros. Some may say that was just a dumb move, I
didn't realize I was being guided by someone else than me. Luckily since Christ has
entered me life I have been able to look back and understand why it happened as
opposed to regretting my decision.
So now I am on a minor league deal with the Astros, the risk of going to the minor
leagues is alive and well. My contract was structured so that if I did not make the
Astros major league team I would be released if I chose to do so. I felt good about
my chances of making the team but just in case I did not, I already decided that I
would not go to back to New Orleans, if I cannot be in the majors in 2002 I am going
to play AAA baseball somewhere else. I already played in New Orleans all of 1997
and I just thought I would feel like I was going backwards, if I have to I will go
somewhere else. I told all my friends and family this. The only thing I was sure of this
winter is that in 2002 I would not be playing baseball in New Orleans. I would have
bet anyone a million dollars of that.
Well, sure enough, when it came time to sign a minor league deal with someone in
late March after my release, all signs pointed to going back to New Orleans. I
couldn't believe it, but I was on my way.
We had 2 exhibition games before the season, the first at Round Rock, TX versus
the Astros AA team. I was sitting in the bullpen there talking to Pete Munro. Pete is
one of our starting pitchers who has played with the Toronto Blue Jays in the big
leagues. Pete is a native New Yorker as well, born and raised in Queens, NY, right
by St. John's where I went to college. I always felt a connection talking with guys
from New York, it's just one of things, people from the same area can generally get
along well. For some strange reason I really didn't talk to Pete that much in big
league camp, he was there, but we just didn't talk much. Now Pete is straight New
York, accent an all. Where I grew up we didn't talk about religion or God much
except in times of tragedy, typical. So you can imagine my surprise when out of
nowhere in that bullpen in Round Rock, TX Pete says to me, "Yo bro, where you at
with you at with your faith?"
I was thinking to myself what? This guy? No way. Christianity is for southerners,
Bible belters, those kinds of people, not 26 year old baseball players from Queens,
NY. Well sure enough, Pete was a born again Christian and I began to tell him the
story of my son and how I felt God was trying to work in my life and I was still putting
it all together.
Pete has been a huge help to me. He also grew up Catholic so he could answer a lot
of my questions. Before he met his wife Samantha, who brought him to Christ, Pete
was like a lot of athletes in their mid-twenties, just living what a proffesional athlete
would consider the "good life", having a goood time. He has been ministering to me
and continues to do so and has helped me to strengthen my faith.
I cannot go into every detail of what we talk about, there just isn't the time. But there
is one thing that he said to me in that bullpen in Round Rock, TX that has stuck me
and will stick with me for the rest of my life. I have never done drugs and in recent
years had drank very casually. We were talking about vices each of us had and I told
him the only thing I really do during the season is go to strip clubs. I don't go to
regular bars, I am not out to meet women and I would never cheat on my wife. If I go
out on the road 9 times out of 10 it would be to a strip club. I just like to go there with
a couple of the guys, have a few drinks, smoke a cigar and go home by myself. No
big deal. My wife knew I went most of the time and although she wasn't in love with
the idea she knew she could trust me. I told Pete this and he said to me, "Sure your
wife might not mind bro, but she's not the One you have to answer too." Man, that hit
me hard and I suddenly realized I have been living my life to please the wrong
people. My heart was so receptive to the Lord and it was instantly getting filled with a
lot of information.
As things developed I still didn't understand why Christians would try not to listen to
rock music, or watch R rated movies or do other things that didn't seem to be that
big of a deal to me. If you ask the right people or look hard enough, Scripture will
answer your questions. One verse that has really been sticking with me and
answering a lot of these questions is 1Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink,
or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." That "whatever" covers quite a lot. I
by no means have this defeated, it is a battle everyday. I am going to face a strong
test of glorifying God when the 3rd season of the Sopranos starts up on HBO. Pray
for me. I say that half jokingly, but it's true. We will always be sinners and the battle
goes on everyday.
Two months into the baseball season and I can blatantly see the difference God has
made in my life both on and off the field. Not a time goes by that I don't take the
mound and ask Him to help me do His will in the game, take the ability He has given
me and use it to glorify Him and to be a shinning example of a Christian Athlete for
Him. Not an easy thing to do. When Christ enters your life you are not suddenly
freed from sin and temptation, you never will be. But, God will never let you be
tempted beyond what you are able to bear. If someone tells you they just can't help
but do something they are tempted by, they are wrong. He has kept me in control. I
used to curse on the mound and loud. I would use the Lord's name in vein as loud
as I could sometimes when things didn't go my way. He has taken that away from
me, I think, so far, so good.. I have come really close and have had half-slips of the
tongue but I have been able to control my mouth and my emotions when I take the
hill. It's because I want to be out there glorifying Him, not myself. I have strong regret
at the thought of every time I was a bad example to others on the mound by losing
my cool and shouting obscenities as I made my way back to the dugout. Nowadays I
hear someone use God's name in vein and it just cuts right through me, it makes me
cringe. Now that I am no longer a wavering Christian athlete, there are a lot of things
from my past I regret.
If this was 3 months ago and I was in AAA I would have been frustrated beyond
belief right now that I wasn't in the big leagues. I feel good, I am ready to go back to
big leagues, I am throwing the ball well and yet here I sit in AAA. My contract is
situated so that I can go to any other team that wants me at anytime and here I am
in AAA. You always hear the talk about the need for left handed pitching. I am 29
years old with 5 years big league experience, am pitching well with good velocity, but
am here in AAA. And I can take it all in stride because this is where God wants me
right now.
Don't mistake my acceptance of God's plan for contentment. I am itching to get to
the big leagues in the worst way. I feel I wasted 5 good years of playing in front of an
audience and having a web page that used to register over 1,000 hits a day and
never did I do my part to spread the Word. I am hungrier than ever to pitch for a big
league team but now it is for the right reasons. I have a reason to be successful at
baseball that is stronger than any reason I have had in the past. It's not money, it's
not fame, it's not glory to me or my family. It's glory to God. I have a God given ability
to throw a baseball at the highest level of competition, and what have I done with it?
I have never trusted that ability to take me where God wants me to go. I always tried
to control my own destiny instead of just taking what God has given me and living
with it.
It has been an amazing two months for me. I can't believe I am even saying that as a
minor league player. If you have made it this far you are either a believer or have an
interest in being a believer. I by no means have all the answers, I pray for knowledge
and wisdom each day. I hope this message has encouraged you to develop your
relationship with God. This is an uncertain time in our world, people are looking for
answers, the harvest is ripe and it is my prayer that God will enter your life like He
has mine. Turn your life over to Him. I have. Maybe I'll never make it back to the big
leagues, and of course I would be disappointed by that, this is what I love to do. But
if that's the price I have to pay to get closer to the Lord, then I can accept that.
Remember that Jesus Christ loves you, He always will, no matter what you have
done in the past He will forgive you, just as you should forgive others who have done
wrong by you. There is only one way to get into heaven. We are all sports fans and
how many times have we seen this but never really took the time to read it and
understand what it means:
John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that
those who believe in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life"
Are you going to heaven? Will you have everlasting life?
The Basics in my own words
What is Biblical Christianity?
· Biblical Christians believe solely what the bible tells us
about God, Jesus Christ and salvation (heaven). There
are no outside influences of man that affect the belief
system of Biblical or "Born-Again" Christians. The Bible is
the only source.
· Christians of all types (Catholic & Protestant) believe
that the Bible was yes, written by man, but 100% inspired
by God. He chose the people He wanted to write the book
and what He wanted written.
Who is God?
· God is the creator of the universe, the heavens and the
earth. He gave us life.
Who was Jesus Christ?
· Jesus was God in human form.
· He was sent to this Earth to save His people, us.
· He was the only person to ever walk the Earth and not
sin. He came here to prove to us that we cannot live a sin
free life. Only He could do it because He was God.
· Jesus died for our sins. Sin is punishable by death
(Romans 6:23), not human death, but eternal death (no
heaven). Since we cannot live a sin free life Christ went
up on the cross for us, paying the penalty for all of our
sins, past, present, and future. He took the punishment
for us, so we could have eternal life. If we belive that He
was God and He died for us, we will go to heaven.
· He now sits at the right hand of the Father.
How do I get to heaven and can I be
100% sure I will make it?
· The bible tells us it is by faith we are saved. (Romans
10:9, John 3:16). Faith in Jesus Christ as Savior.
Christians believe in their hearts that Jesus was God, He
died for our sins, and He rose again from the dead. When
we believe these facts in our hearts, and only God knows
the condition of our hearts, we are guaranteed salvation.
It can't be that simple.
· The bible tells us it is. Does this mean we just believe
the facts about Christ and we can go on living a sinful life
and still get into heaven? No, it does not. When you have
a sincere love for Christ you will want to live a life that
honors Him. Your desire to be Christ-like will be strong.
Although we will always be sinners unlike Him we strive
to beat sin and sinful temptations.
Where does the bible come in?
· Besides giving us all the great information about the life
and times of Jesus Christ the bible provides an outline for
how we, as Christians, are to live our lives. Although we
will never be able to keep all the rules that God has laid
out before us we try.
The Bible speaks against things like drunkenness, anger,
jealousy, envy & premarital sex. There is no way I can do
that.
· Yes there is, through Him all things are possible
(Philippians 4:13). The important thing to remember is
that the "rules" are there to prove to us that we cannot
keep them all. They are there to show us that it is
impossible for us to live and keep the rules. They are only
there as a guideline as to what we should be striving for.
We are to fight the temptation of these things whole
heartedly, if we fail, and we will, God will forgive us. There
is a big difference between fighting off the temptation of
sin and failing and not trying at all.
Can't I just be a good person and get
into heaven?
· The bible teaches us otherwise. I believe God to be just
and righteous, but He tells us that no one has an excuse.
An excuse for not knowing the truth, the truth of His Son
and who He is to us. Is it a chance worth taking?
· It is all about the relationship with Jesus Christ and
accepting Him as your personal Savior. Matthew 7:21-23
"21 "Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord,' shall
enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of
My Father in heaven. 22Many will say to Me in that day,
"Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast
out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in
Your name?' 23And then I will declare to them, "I never
knew you; depart from Me, you who practice
lawlessness!'" These are Jesus' words.
· Being a good person is something that comes along with
being a Christian but it is not a way to become righteous
before God. We can not earn our way to heaven by the
things we do on this earth, it is by faith and faith alone
that we can enter into the kingdom of heaven. If we could
just be a good person and get into heaven then Jesus
would have never had to die on that cross for us.
· Galatians 2:16 "In knowing that a man is not justified by
the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we
have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified
by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by
the works of the law no flesh shall be justified." Works are
things like being a good person, following the laws God
has set up for us. We cannot justify ourselves before God
with works, it is by faith we are saved. Works will follow,
but only as a sign of our faith, not out of necessity for
salvation.
I have done some really bad things in
my life, can God really forgive me?
· When you turn your life over to God and become a
Christian all of your sins are forgiven, all. God does not
differentiate between sins. The bible does not teach us
that some sins are worse than others. God doesn't get a
little mad at some sins and real mad at others. When we
sin He does not get mad, we hurt Him because He loves
us and we are going against what He wants us to be.
· Some people have a hard time with the fact that a
murderer can get into heaven. If a murderer is truly sorry
for what he has done and sincerely turns his life over to
God his sins will be forgiven. We are not to judge others.
God forgives you and I for the sins we have committed
and the ones we will commit, who are we to say He
shouldn't forgive others for the sins they have committed?
We are all sinners and He forgives us all. I read in a book
that David Berkowitz (Son of Sam) is a born again
Christian.
How do I become a Christian?
· It is very simple, you just ask God for forgiveness,
confess your faith and ask Him to take over your life.
Something like:
"Heavenly Father, I know I am a sinner, I know I cannot
live my life without You. Thank you for sending your Son,
Jesus Christ, to this earth to die for my sins, I believe in
Him and who He was. I do not want to be a sinner
anymore. I turn my life over to you, knowing that you love
me and know what it best for me. Come into my life as
Lord in my heart."…..Amen
This gift of salvation is a free gift from God, all you have
to do is accept the gift. Where you go from there is up to
you. It is critical to stay in the word, the bible. Along with
praying constantly, that is the best way to keep you close
to God and keep that personal relationship with Him
going.
Experiencing the wonderful life of being filled with Spirit
has been incredible. There will be ups and downs, God
will strengthen us through tough times, but only because
He loves us, just like any good father would do with his
children.
As always I encourage questions via email.